Diary Of A Mad PoËt

Dear readers,

I hope that everyone had a great summer like i did … It has been a while since i made a blog entry in here but i have gained such an inspiration that i felt it’s time to release a new one …. Have you ever felt that in a way you feel a bit lost like you feel you start to change in someone who you don’t recognise anymore when you look into the mirror …. Well if you know how it feels like then you know something is wrong so you start to analyse what it is that made you change and so did i … Came to find out that what made me loose my bubbly personality was that i got carried away by people with negative vibes … Realising that it is not the way you want it to be you can act on that by cutting off those people that gave you the bad vibes ….. And what is a good remedy to do this ? well simple but effective it is going back to your solid foundation of friends and family that knows you well enough and those that matters …. So the last 4 months spending a wonderful time with them i felt that i was on the way back to being the old person that i once was and that is how my closest friends call me het zonnetje in huis, so call me Mr Shunshine :)  … To maintain this way is to get rid once and for all of those people that keeps on telling lies and who don’t have the personality to come clean with themselves instead of pointing you as being the bad person … The road to a positive balance in life with the person who you are starts with having a strong mentality and a strong physical state …. And i know that there will always be persons that will talk bs behind your back and who don’t have the guts to say it straight in your face … So for those people i would like to say … give it your best shot i am not going anywhere for i am back the fighter and warrior i was before and you got nothing on me … People frequently ask themselves what the road to happiness and succes is and to me it is to appreciate the small things in life and be content with what you have … At the end when you reached your goal and have that “price” that you were after all those times you will find out that it is not satisfying as you thought it would be …. What is satisfying is to realise what you have accomplished by the little steps you have made in your life and the people who have helped you come to that certain position … As i said before it can be in the smallest things that gives you a warm and good feeling like when you wake up to the person and see her sleep peacefully besides you when the morning sun softly lands on her face … Or to see the smile of a loved one when you look into her eyes … To take a walk, drink and something to eat with your family and friends who appreciates you … In those kind of situations you inhale life as you feel the tingeling feeling that flows into your bundle and gives you the energy and brings you in harmony with yourself …. It is good sometimes to take time for yourself and create a situation where you can find yourself again … Shutting yourself off from that goes around you to channel your inner energy tilll it comes at a central spot where you can feel the positive enery keeps building itself … It is at those moments that you know what makes you happy and what doesn’t and therefor you will find your answers which you have asked yourself all the time … The truth is if you are at peace with yourself and are positive minded then you can be a positive motivation force in someone else’s life … Eventually it is like a chain reaction for people which will lift them to a certain level … Eventhough we human are not perfect and nor am i for i have commit sins it is never too late to change … Some people strife for materialistic things to make them feel happy or such but for me a pure heart is something that i long for … Though the road is a rocky and long one, give it time and be focussed you can achieve it … You can accomplish almost everything in life as long as you set your mind to it just like in business when a change occure you need to revise your strategy to accomplish your goal … Don’t give up and keep strifing forwards take some time to inhale life and enjoy it for life is way too short and times flies by before you know it …. By being in total controll of yourself you can achieve more then you have ever could imagine keep on to that feeling and you will exhale positive vibes which brings positive feelings to the people you touch …..

In life we can get occupied in dreams we chase,, People may think you are getting less interested in them for any reason … But then again it will only be the people that don’t know you the way you are. The people that knows you, also know what you stand for in life and why you are doing it for … These people will be the ones who you will make time for even if your schedule or plans doesn’t allow it to be. In the long run for a guy it is important to give the best what he can give especially when he found that special person which he wants to spend his life with. I am not only talking about the physical aspect here as in to secure her by protecting her if somebody wants to harm her. But also in the financial security so that you can provide her with the best that you can give or whatever her heart desires …  But while doing so another important thing if not the most important might be “neglected” and that is to give her the emotional support of feelings and security … The more values a man has in life towards her the more he has to juggle to balance so that she will not feel let down or alone … So what is a good way to express your feelings towards her then let her hear the sincerity that comes with it in your voice and eyes … So therefor this song that is untold ….

Tomorrow morning when you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
We’ll be together .

I can’t get it back, but
I don’t want it back, I
Realized that,
She don’t know how to act
Never been a dumb dude
No I’m not dense
I Just had a slight lack
Of common sense
I was the good guy
She was the bad girl
I’m thinking one girl
She’s thinking me, her ex and others                                                                  Yep she had plenty
But love for me, she didn’t have any

I was inviting, her into my heart
But she had me fooled from the start                                                               She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I’m strong
Wont take long for me to move on

Please don’t worry bout me I’m fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say
That I’ll be OK
Move on girl x 4

I can’t get it back, but
I don’t want it back, I
Realized that,
She don’t know how to act
Tried to settle down and look what I get
Thought it was my time, but I guess not yet
She at the bar getting drinks from many men
I’m in the house, thinking shes with her girlfriends
Trust not knowing, truly not knowing
I look back now like, man, I was open

The mistake I made is clear
(we never should’ve been together)
Thats the reason you’re not here
(I know that I can do much better)
Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby I’m feeling no stress
I’m too fly to be depressed

Move on girl

If you’ll ever loose yourself remember that ….

It takes a minute to find a special person,an hour to appreciate them,a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.Every ending opens a window of oppertunities,If you allow yourself to let them in

A Good Man

 You could catch me every week in the club
Substituting partying  for love, love, love
going home to an empty house
Thinking who should I call for some fun, hey

It’s all because of you   

If someone would ask me what kind of emotion is strong enough to change a man i would say the love from a woman. Looking back at how things used to be always on the road meeting up with people and constantly being busy with things that seems so meaningless now. I guess all those times I was just one of those lost souls looking for something to fill up that space in life. It’s almost unbelievable that something that happens can change your life that much and I can say for sure  that it’s  for the better . If I would have continued living the same lifestyle like I did before I don’t even want to think of where it would have lead me. So is it hard “to “disappoint” people who ask me out all the time? The answer is very simple as effective … NO , because it made me realize it doesn’t  add anything special in life. From experience I can say it is highly overrated let alone people calling you a party animal till the lengths of days, I guess that label will stick to me for years to come. People can call you dull, old or whatever they want for all I care the truth is they haven’t been through the same ordeal, plus they might not be on the same level. Nothing wrong with it though it only means they still have that magical thought of going out and meeting new people and all. For myself I don’t quite get what it is that people find so special of meeting new people while going out cause to be real the case would be you will end up talking to someone who is looking for more then let’s say friendship. My opinion is that a lot of people are confused or they are not being true to others or them self of what they want and the last part is a bad thing. Anyways it is not for me to judge about it but sometimes it is hard to talk about  this to someone who strongly wants to make you believe it is not the case. Everyone should be able to do what she or he thinks is right for them and so it means that no matter what one’s choice should be respected. I think a person should consider him or herself lucky realizing that quantity doesn’t matter when it comes to having friends and all but quality does. Through the years you meet a lot of people till at one point you start to realize you don’t need to get to know new people all the time. From the large group of people you encounter a handful will grow out to be a solid group of trustworthy friends on which you can rely and build upon.  Sometimes it is hard to explain to people that you don’t have the need to know the whole world because they have the need to get to meet and know new people. The ones who are on the same level of thinking and doing will help you grow to a “higher” level in case you have ambitions and dreams in life. If you’re lucky as I consider myself to be you will find someone who gives a new meaning and to end playing around and makes you want to settle down. That brings me to the beginning of this story that a love from a woman can make you realize what you have missed all those times and makes you grow into a “better” person who knows what truly matters in life. So therefore I want to end with a song which exactly explains the moral of this story.

I would have told Steven to stay strong every bad day
Don’t take your own life and don’t mind what others say 
Would have told Vega to stay sober
When people beg for mercy
That mean the beef is over
Told Jago to take the benz back
Drive a rover
They may take the first strike but it ain’t over
Would told the homies not to follow my steps when it got colder
So they wouldn’t have to live lookin over their shoulder
My life was like a roller coaster ride 4 way motion
I’ve been front to back
Side to side
Did my thing and played the game out
Keep on rollin
Keep your family far away and your enemies closer
Living life in a fast lane earning money quick
Trying be the big fish in the pond
You know how them piranhas get
You’re dead when the green line go flat
If you could start your life from scratch you couldn’t change that

It’s been a while since my last blog entry and since i acclimatised to the weather and all in Europe it’s time to share my journey and stories for the Asia trip 2008.

For many people including my dutch friends think that 8 weeks is such a long time but au contraire my friend as what they say time flies when you are having fun.

Eventhough that not everything can be found positive, you can learn from it so that’s the bright side of it.

One of the greatest things about this year’s trip is that i got to meet a lot of “new”and old family members whom i haven’t seen in such a long time or was too young to remember.

I know that not everybody is too keen to meet up with family and all but for me it is fascinating to meet them from all branches of the family and see where my roots come from. I guess that getting to know or meet everyone of them is almost impossible due to time and all but still for what i can say being with family is one if not the best thing.

In the west or “western” world they claim to be modern and call the kampung mentality old fashioned and out dated.

Well one thing for sure is i can recommend anybody for that matter to go to a kampung for a wedding or no occasion at all.

The male cousins (including yours truely) who were present helping eachother cleaning, helping with cooking, preparations and all as one family for the wedding. Seriously that is something that many so called “modern” people can learn from. Although there are rotten people too in some kampungs but there are rotten people in every layer of the society regardless country or religion. I can go on for hours telling about it but for now i won’t make it too long. The basic thing why i love to be back in the kampung is because you feel the warmth and love there like no other place. During my journey i saw how hard the people are struggling in their life to make a months end but still without complaining and still can be happy. That alone is truely admirable and even in the poorer parts of Indonesia when you walk around and see the the severe circumstances there that people have to live in.

But still they work hard to make a living, seeing handicapped people or little children with ragged clothes and all but stil make the best of it that’s on one side heartwarming but on the other hand also heartwrecking to see.

I hear people complaining all the time in the western world but if they could only see how lucky they are to have the chances and all that those people don’t have it would be a good lesson for them and it ain’t a cliche.

But back to the topic at hand i know that a lot of people may say that their family is the best they can ever wish for. And so i can say on my part my family is the best, eventhough some differences and all but still at the crucial times we form and stand together as one.

I know for sure where or whenever i bring a friend of mine to any of my relatives they will receive them with open arms. To me that is one of the most important characteristics of a great family and that’s why if someone has the insolence to disrespect them for any matter at all the person does not deserve to be welcome.

I could write for hours about my experiences of the trip but i will let the pictures speak for itself as soon as i got all the necessary pics together. The first album of the trip is dedicated to my dear beloved friends from Singapore and Malaysia who inspite of their busy schedules,work and all took time to meet up. I would like to thank you all once again for the great time and taking me places you people are the best and i appreciate it very much, seriously. The rest of the pics will be added along the way and for those who don’t find themselves in the pics next time i will not forget to bring along the camera haha but of course you know who you are and you are not forgotten.

That’s all for now peeps catch ya on my next blog, Selamat aidil adha semua and mag-liggat ka lagi.

This blog is dedicated to my ancestors who passed the morals and principals for the generations to come after them as my ibu tersayang passed them on to me as a certain guide line in life ….

Some people think due to all i lupa daratan while the truth is quite the oposite eventhough i am far away from my roots, my beloved family and soil i am closer then those who actually live there …

As they say jauh di mata dekat di hati forgetting that all is like forgetting how to breathe… What can i say i love my culture and everything that comes with it so sometimes it is difficult to go back to a totally different kind of culture.

I wouldn’t call it a culture shock but it is quite amazing when i talk to people here and they agree that life and people back home are nicer …. I’m not saying that it is all peaches and cream in SG but what i mean is the place where i feel at home and at ease.

It’s really a home coming to go back to where my mother’s kampong is eventhough they don’t have much and all still people are happy in a special way. It’s not about how many girls or guys for that matter you can get, how much wealth you have or any other materialistic kind of things …

But what truely matters there is the smaller things in life and people whom matters like family … My opinion is that people in the “western” culture are to spoiled and never have enough and are to stressed and all about things that don’t matter … I am really looking forward to go back to basic to the place where my mother was born and raised in the kampong in Tumpat, Kelantan.

Close to the beach, old authentic kampong wooden houses, Palmtrees a place of peace and serenity … A place where i can put my mind at ease far away from people who have other needs, without the continuesly ongoing competition of who has more or the best of anything , as if i care… I don’t know where people got the idea that i was born with a silver spoon in my mouth … I am not ashamed to tell anyone that back then i was young as a baby we didn’t have much.

Back then hearing it from others it was a real struggle and i am proud of my mother that she worked hard to her abilities to provide us …

Hearing the stories from others how i used to play with my elder brother tepi longkang with batu2 waiting for our mother to come back from a long days work makes me smile…

How i wish to go back in time and relive it once again so that’s why i always feel at home being at family in which ever kampong they live in M’sia … Stripped away from luxury and all back living life in simplicity back to basic to the things that matter and teaches me to appreciate the things in life more if ever i forget it …. In a couple of weeks it’s bulan puasa and i hereby wish all those who participate in it all the best in their preparations … If you look at it the true meaning of Bulan Puasa is also about kampong life , to appreciate what you have and to remind yourself to be thankfull for smaller things in life … The more you have the more you can loose keeping that in mind maybe people will realise that  loyalty and faithfulness to the ones who are close to you brings you more richdom then any amount or materialistic matter can bring you in life … So that’s why even if people think it is an insult to be called an orang kampong i wear it with pride.

I could tell how you doubted me

I knew my heart was broken

and so empty

even though my girl was next to me

She didn’t see

I do believe

that you wanna come by

rescue me

If you read my mind

I have set you a place

I wonder if I’ll just will be

in time we’ll see

She told me

She showed me

but she hurt me

yet she loved me the same

has anybody ever made you feel that way?

could you really love her through the pain?

when I don’t wanna feel this way

I got too many things to say

I’m hangin on Patron all day

Mind in a maze

smoking on haze

I can’t function

It gotta be something

that you doing

that got me unconscious

all the riches, friends, this fire

how could I feel this empty inside?

I’ve been thinkin ’bout giving up

but there’s something inside me that’s holding on

When we don’t know who’s right or wrong

we still stay strong

keep movin’ on

and I promise I will never leave

now would you do the same for me?

I wonder if I’ll just will be

in time we’ll see

She told me

but will it last?

only time will tell

love is real

and what I mean is

there’s not enough word to explain the meanin

and what I’m saying is

all I need is for you to understand

how beautiful she is

and all it takes is a little faith

and no matter the situation

in my heart you’ll Stay

I’ll always be your friend

You’ll always be my girl ..I’ll always love you

I’ll never let it end

for nothing in the world

Cause no one else can do

the things you do

you make me feel

so warm and new

so would you stay with me?

Thank you for showing me how to love

Thank you for showing me